What It’s Like To Quit Antidepressants Cold Turkey

By | 2017-12-05T15:47:52+00:00 December 5th, 2017|mental health|

Disclaimer: please do not take this article as medical advice. Please visit your GP or seek your own information if you are looking to quit your antidepressants, especially if you choose cold turkey.   I first went on antidepressants around three years ago because I felt completely disconnected from my body. I felt like I was in a constant daze, felt no emotions towards anyone or anything around me, and couldn’t break through the heaviness in my brain to take any positive steps. Two weeks ago, I decided to quit antidepressants for ironically much the same reasons. I’d felt severely [...]

The Difference Between Depression and Sadness

By | 2017-11-27T19:13:03+00:00 November 27th, 2017|mental health|

The majority of my friends struggle with depression and/or anxiety. My partner also struggles with periods of recurring depression. Either consciously or subconsciously, I have surrounded myself with people who understand and can relate to my experiences of mental illness. This means I regularly forget that a lot of people do not experience mental illness, and may think that depression is a form of sadness. Depression is often simplified as a period of extended sadness, likely because it’s the easiest explanation. Sadness is an emotion that everyone has experienced at one point or another, and so it is relatable and [...]

Lessons After 1 Year Since Being on Suicide Watch

By | 2017-11-10T16:53:12+00:00 November 10th, 2017|mental health|

Trigger warning: this article contains graphic descriptions of suicide, self harm, and substance abuse. On the 31st of October 2016, I was put on suicide watch. I thought that I was losing my mind. I had spent two or three days feeling manic and suicidal, and like my emotions were spiralling out of control. I was worried I was just going insane and that I would never feel good things again. I felt a constant undercurrent of manic energy and tears were persistently collecting behind my eyes. My thoughts were always racing, and all I could think about was how [...]

Obsessed with Control

By | 2017-12-07T14:39:12+00:00 September 28th, 2017|mental health|

It’s been almost a month since I last published anything, and while a lot of it has to do with writer’s block, it’s also related to my obsession with control and perfection. I feel like ideas need to be perfectly formed in my head before I can put them to paper, or else I feel an overwhelming sense of inferiority and incompetence. The longer I go without writing, the more anxiety it brings me, and the more avoidant I become. I’ve decided to bite the bullet and just throw this out there, and try to regain access to my creativity. [...]

Every Day You Must Choose Recovery Over Self Destruction

By | 2017-12-07T14:18:18+00:00 August 31st, 2017|mental health|

Trigger warning: this article contains graphic descriptions of drug usage and addiction. I miss recreational drugs a lot. Whenever anyone tells a story about doing cocaine, my body reacts instantly. Within half a second, my heart rate elevates and starts beating out of my chest. My muscles tense in anticipation, and I feel a rush of adrenaline through my chest and stomach. Images of using flash repeatedly in front of my eyes and my brain tells me over and over that it wouldn’t be so bad to start taking drugs again. I haven’t touched drugs since October 2016 and yet [...]

What is Splitting? – Living with BPD

By | 2017-08-26T15:04:43+00:00 August 26th, 2017|mental health|

Whenever I break up with a boyfriend, or end a friendship, my heart becomes instantly cold towards them. It’s almost as if all my memories of them become fuzzy around the edges, and I feel nothing towards them anymore. I used to think that this made me a monster, but I can now see it as a defense mechanism. This is one aspect of splitting, which is a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as emotional dysregulation disorder. Splitting is when you experience extreme black and white or ‘all or nothing’ thinking. Most people experience this to some [...]

How to Incorporate Mindfulness in Travel

By | 2017-08-23T18:09:05+00:00 August 23rd, 2017|mental health|

I really struggle to live in the present moment. I notice that my mind is often preoccupied with either the past or the future, and often stressing about things that are outside of my control. If you’re like me, you will often do things on autopilot and never really pay attention to the details of your actions. You will forget entire sections of your day, because your brain was focused on things outside of the present moment. This is why mindfulness is so important, and I find especially that incorporating mindfulness in travel is essential. Travel is a multi-sensory experience [...]

Stuck in an Endless Cycle of Relapsing and Depression

By | 2017-08-25T17:34:19+00:00 July 30th, 2017|mental health|

I am so sick of constantly relapsing. Most people experience at least one period of depression in their lives, but it is often situational. My depression is cyclical, and has affected my life up to several times a year since the age of fifteen. It can last anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of months at a time. I am sick and tired of relapsing again after I feel like I am finally getting better. I honestly feel like I am stuck in an endless cycle of depression. Since changing the dosage of my medications in late [...]

Blogging is Seriously Hard Work

By | 2017-11-02T21:23:01+00:00 July 22nd, 2017|mental health|

Blogging is seriously hard work. I’ve hit a major roadblock when it comes to being inspired to write, and so have deliberated over several half-finished posts for weeks. I work in short, sharp bursts of energy that mean I can finish an entire blog post in one hour, and then not write again for four days. Unfortunately, my perfectionism starts to kick in, and then I start to feel like a failure for not being a non-stop creation machine. Blogging courses recommend posting at least three times a week when starting out, and I feel disheartened that I don’t have [...]

How To Be (Mostly) Sober in a Society Obsessed with Alcohol

By | 2017-08-15T15:58:43+00:00 July 4th, 2017|mental health|

Alcohol is poison. It numbs your brain and your senses, and creeps into your brain to whisper lies in your ear. When you are living with chronic mental illness, drinking alcohol is one of the most harmful things that you can do, and you should try to eradicate it from your life.  Alcohol makes me stupider, more impulsive, and more vulnerable to the negative thoughts that constantly swirl around my brain. I have burst into tears or started heavily dissociating while drinking, more times than I can count. Drinking alcohol doesn’t only leave me with a dry mouth and a [...]