Obsessed with Control

By | 2017-09-28T18:43:29+00:00 September 28th, 2017|mental health|

It’s been almost a month since I last published anything, and while a lot of it has to do with writer’s block, it’s also related to my obsession with control and perfection. I feel like ideas need to be perfectly formed in my head before I can put them to paper, or else I feel an overwhelming sense of inferiority and incompetence. The longer I go without writing, the more anxiety it brings me, and the more avoidant I become. I’ve decided to bite the bullet and just throw this out there, and try to regain access to my creativity. [...]

Every Day You Must Choose Recovery Over Self Destruction

By | 2017-09-05T20:04:52+00:00 August 31st, 2017|mental health|

Trigger warning: this article contains graphic descriptions of drug usage and addiction. I miss recreational drugs a lot. Whenever anyone tells a story about doing cocaine, my body reacts instantly. Within half a second, my heart rate elevates and starts beating out of my chest. My muscles tense in anticipation, and I feel a rush of adrenaline through my chest and stomach. Images of using flash repeatedly in front of my eyes and my brain tells me over and over that it wouldn’t be so bad to start taking drugs again. I haven’t touched drugs since October 2016 and yet [...]

What is Splitting? – Living with BPD

By | 2017-08-26T15:04:43+00:00 August 26th, 2017|mental health|

Whenever I break up with a boyfriend, or end a friendship, my heart becomes instantly cold towards them. It’s almost as if all my memories of them become fuzzy around the edges, and I feel nothing towards them anymore. I used to think that this made me a monster, but I can now see it as a defense mechanism. This is one aspect of splitting, which is a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as emotional dysregulation disorder. Splitting is when you experience extreme black and white or ‘all or nothing’ thinking. Most people experience this to some [...]

How to Incorporate Mindfulness in Travel

By | 2017-08-23T18:09:05+00:00 August 23rd, 2017|mental health|

I really struggle to live in the present moment. I notice that my mind is often preoccupied with either the past or the future, and often stressing about things that are outside of my control. If you’re like me, you will often do things on autopilot and never really pay attention to the details of your actions. You will forget entire sections of your day, because your brain was focused on things outside of the present moment. This is why mindfulness is so important, and I find especially that incorporating mindfulness in travel is essential. Travel is a multi-sensory experience [...]

Stuck in an Endless Cycle of Relapsing and Depression

By | 2017-08-25T17:34:19+00:00 July 30th, 2017|mental health|

I am so sick of constantly relapsing. Most people experience at least one period of depression in their lives, but it is often situational. My depression is cyclical, and has affected my life up to several times a year since the age of fifteen. It can last anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple of months at a time. I am sick and tired of relapsing again after I feel like I am finally getting better. I honestly feel like I am stuck in an endless cycle of depression. Since changing the dosage of my medications in late [...]

Blogging is Seriously Hard Work

By | 2017-09-05T20:04:28+00:00 July 22nd, 2017|mental health|

Blogging is seriously hard work. I’ve hit a major roadblock when it comes to being inspired to write, and so have deliberated over several half-finished posts for weeks. I work in short, sharp bursts of energy that mean I can finish an entire blog post in one hour, and then not write again for four days. Unfortunately, my perfectionism starts to kick in, and then I start to feel like a failure for not being a non-stop creation machine. Blogging courses recommend posting at least three times a week when starting out, and I feel disheartened that I don’t have [...]

How To Be (Mostly) Sober in a Society Obsessed with Alcohol

By | 2017-08-15T15:58:43+00:00 July 4th, 2017|mental health|

Alcohol is poison. It numbs your brain and your senses, and creeps into your brain to whisper lies in your ear. When you are living with chronic mental illness, drinking alcohol is one of the most harmful things that you can do, and you should try to eradicate it from your life.  Alcohol makes me stupider, more impulsive, and more vulnerable to the negative thoughts that constantly swirl around my brain. I have burst into tears or started heavily dissociating while drinking, more times than I can count. Drinking alcohol doesn’t only leave me with a dry mouth and a [...]

Perfectionism is Killing Me

By | 2017-08-22T15:52:55+00:00 June 27th, 2017|mental health|

Perfectionism is slowly killing me inside. My psychologist refers to the phenomenon as ‘unrelenting standards’, which means that I set a standard for myself that can never actually be attained. These standards also do not apply to other people in my eyes. This covers all aspects of my life, from relationships to academic achievements. I could view perfectionism as a positive, other than the fact that I experience constant stress and anxiety because of it. I have quit so many things that I have started, from university courses, to online travel writing courses. I quit them because I felt like [...]

The Transformative Power of Nature-Based Travel

By | 2017-07-28T23:51:19+00:00 June 24th, 2017|mental health|

It took three hours of trekking in the Borneo rainforest of Bako National Park for me to fully realise that I had broken my first boyfriend’s heart. Up until that point, I hadn’t understood why he had acted so cruelly when I broke up with him. I resented the lies that he had told about me to his friends and the cruel words that he wrote about me on the internet. I resented all of this without ever understanding how truly hurt he had been. It took the isolation of nature and the physical exertion of hiking in the hot, [...]

How to Travel with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

By | 2017-07-28T23:51:28+00:00 June 21st, 2017|mental health|

I laid naked in the foetal position on the floor of the hostel shower, crying uncontrollably while my friend stood over me to supervise. I had made the mistake of going out drinking on a pub crawl in Buenos Aires, against all my better judgment. Alcohol amplifies the symptoms of my borderline personality disorder (BPD), and makes it so much harder to block out the intrusive thoughts that I am ugly, unwanted, and unlovable. When these thoughts had taken over, I had called my boyfriend in Australia and asked him over and over if he still loved me and if [...]

Load More Posts